Free Guide for Mums
Safe Again: Supporting Your Child Through Divorce
A trauma-informed guide for mums worried about their children
A Letter From Me to You, Mum
If you're holding this guide while worrying about your child, take a moment and breathe.
Try this breathing exercise:
Inhale for a count of 5. Pause at the top for a count of 2. Exhale gently for a count of 8.
I'm writing to you not as someone who has it all figured out — but as a single mum of six, still learning, still adjusting, and still trying to get it right every single day.
I know what it's like to lie awake at night, questioning if you've done enough, said the right thing, or handled a situation perfectly. I know the fear and guilt that comes when your child struggles and you feel powerless. When your heart is slowly breaking, you feel like you are falling apart yet have to keep it together for the children.
You don't need to be perfect. You need to be present, responsive, and human.
"I am a good mum and I am enough."
Remind yourself of this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Separation and divorce are huge emotional events for children. Even when decisions are healthy or necessary, children can feel fear, uncertainty, and loss of safety.
Common responses include:
Separation anxiety
School refusal or avoidance
Emotional outbursts or shutdown
Sleep disturbances
Regression (clinginess, bedwetting, needing extra reassurance)
Crying, sadness, anxiety, anger
These are not signs of damage - they are signs your child is asking for safety.
It's About Safety, Not Behaviour
Children's behaviour communicates their need for safety and reassurance. Defiance, avoidance, or meltdowns are often a survival response. Instead of asking, "How do I stop this behavior?" ask, "What is my child needing right now?"
Containering Exercise
1
Visualise the Container
Ask your child to think of a container that can hold all their strong feelings. What colour is it? What is it made of? How big is it?
2
Name the Feeling
"I see you are feeling sad/angry/scared right now."
3
Place It in the Container
"Can you imagine putting your worry in your container? It's safe there for now."
4
Reassure Safety
"The feeling is safe in the container. You are safe too. We can open it whenever you're ready to talk about it."
5
Check In Later
"Shall we look in your container and see if we can solve this together?"
Helping Your Child Feel Safe Again
Safety is built through consistency, connection, and calm. Here are scripts for common challenging moments:
School Drop-off
"I know this feels really hard. Your feelings make sense."
"I promise I will come back — just like I always do."
"You can feel scared and still be safe."
"Your job is to go to school. My job is to come back for you."
Bedtime & Night Fears
"You are safe in your bed. I'm nearby."
"Nothing bad is happening right now."
"Your body is trying to protect you, but you are safe."
"We'll get through this night together."
During Meltdowns
"I can see this is really big for you."
"I'm here. You're not alone."
"You don't have to explain it right now."
"We can slow this down together."
Hard Questions
"Some things are still being worked out, but you are safe and loved."
"You don't need to worry about adult problems."
"Mummy and Daddy both love you so much."
"We will be ok."
Connection Through Simple Activities
One of the most powerful ways to help children feel safe is through shared, low-pressure activities. The goal is presence, attention, and connection — not perfection.
Walking in your neighbourhood or local park
Horse-riding or pet care — animals are calming
Art or craft projects
Cycling together, even short trips
Cooking or baking together
A picnic or movie night
Going for a drive and listening to music
Gardening or planting
Board games and family dinners
"The key is not the activity itself, but the attention and connection you bring."
When You're Struggling Too
Being a mum during separation or divorce is emotionally exhausting, overwhelming, and often lonely. You are juggling so much — your children's needs, court appointments, legal and financial stress, and your own grief.
Here's the truth: struggling does not make you a bad mum. It makes you human.
Practical Strategies for Mum
Name Your Feelings
"I am tired. I am frustrated. I am worried. And that's okay."
Ask for Support
Friends, family, therapists, or parenting groups. Support is strength, not weakness.
Breathe & Ground Yourself
3-5 deep breaths. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear.
Micro Self-Care
A cup of tea in quiet, a short walk, journaling, or listening to music. Even small breaks recharge.